Way Above Par

Tonight I'm going to our end-of-season bowling league fun night. I'm not too sad about having a few months off after achieving a lame 129 average this year. But the end of bowling, where my high game was a 192, means the beginning of golf season, where my low game might be 192. I haven't golfed much over the years because I'm lousy at it; ergo, it's not much fun. To be fair, I decided to do a point-by-point comparison before deciding whether to pick up the clubs this summer.

1. B--Anyone of all ages and skill levels can have fun bowling.
G--Golf is only fun if you don't keep score and play with people as bad as you are.

2. B--Cheering, jeering, and applause are standard behavior on the alleys.
G--You get shushed for that on the links.

3. B--I always know what ball to use.
G--I seldom know what club to use.

4. B--Ten frames of bowling costs $2 to $3.
G--Nine holes of golf costs $15 or more and your pride.

5. B--The ball return sends my ball back.
G--The sand traps and water hazards never send my ball back.

6. B--I get hot and sweaty.
G--I get hotter and sweatier, plus sunburned.

7. B--I throw one or two balls a frame, like everyone else.
G--I whiff 5 times when teeing off and get a 19 on a par 3.

8. B--I beat Fred occasionally.
G--I will never beat Fred.

9. B--I can dress in jeans and a baggy sweatshirt.
G--Bending over in shorts to tee up might cause a 3-cart pile-up behind me.

10. B--Beer is readily available from the fat guy behind the bar.
G--Every couple hours, a girl in skimpy clothes carts out cold drinks and flirts with your husband.

OK, golf loses. But I'll still probably go a few times. It's fun riding around in the carts, and it's easy to fudge my score. Hitting something with a club relieves more stress than rolling a ball. There might even be a gift shop in the clubhouse! And it's just a little better than staying home alone to mow the lawn.