Six months from today I will turn 50. It was only 6 months ago that I told myself I had a year to get ready for THAT NUMBER, and now half of the time is gone. Yeah, it was real funny last week wrapping Amy's birthday gifts in black, over-the-hill paper, addressing cards to friends as "Old Man Smith", and filling them with little 50s confetti. I have a feeling I can dish it out but won't be able to take it.
Turning 30 didn't bother me. Katie was only 4 months old at the time and awake in the wee hours of every morning, so I was a zombie. Erica was 3 and still finding ways to express her indignation over a baby in the family--like plugging the sink and letting the water run. I had bigger worries than starting a new decade--like fitting into my school clothes still carrying baby weight.
At 40 I weighed 125 lbs., had just started my job managing Country Treasures, and was pretty darned pleased with myself. We had a big party to celebrate, and I was off and running. The girls were now old enough to babysit themselves and help more at home. (Though they did call me at work to tell me things like Jasmine was peeing in my shoe!) As the decade progressed, though, I noticed more aches and pains. In my early 40s I started having panic attacks again and went back on medication for it...which again led to gaining weight. (An even bigger reason to panic!) The girls graduated and went off to college, Fred started his job in Rhinelander, I lived over a year mostly by myself, and then we moved here in October. New house, new town, one year before 50 to become a new me.
Well, I have 6 months left and I still feel more used than new. I do have my life list to focus on some goals, most of which will take a lifetime to achieve. I did lose 12 lbs. since Jan. 1, but 5 of it was from the stomach flu and is back, I'm sure. I feel good overall, except for the hormonal insanity that gives me a different personality.
My mantra has to become "50 is only a number" and it will be easier than the milestone decades of the future...so grow up! I may have wrinkles and sags, but I will never look plastic like Joan Rivers. And hey, I'm a Harley chick! What's cooler than that? I can sing every word of "Paradise by the Dashboard Lights", and will do so whether asked or not. I'm on Facebook! I know how to text message!! Monday I'm jetting off to San Diego with a college kid for spring break!
Ok, hysterics over. 49 1/2 is ok. I'm going to go change into one of my no-holes pairs of undies and face the day.
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