If Fitting Room Walls Could Talk

**Men and skinny women do not need to read this.

I made a quick trip to Kohls this morning after trying on my summer clothes yesterday. Many items seemed to have mysteriously shrunk over the winter, and others just looked drab and faded. Wanting something new for the San Diego trip, I went to town for the Early Bird Sale.
@#$$%&*()_+@%&**?"+" First of all, it's almost impossible to even find something I want to try on!! Apparently petites are only for people who are short AND thin. Clothes that look stylish and trendy are made for teenagers and women who haven't yet become pre-menopausal blobs. In the "women's" department I found shapeless tops in vulgar prints that scream "LOOK AT ME!! I'm fat and have no taste!!" Or, tops covered with ruffles, frills, and do-dads to apparently take attention away from the body they are attempting to hide. I picture rail-thin designers sewing sequins on burlap bags and going,"MUUUAAAHAHAHA!! Take that, tubby!"
I made 6 trips into the fitting room. I found a pair of capris I liked right away--it was the shirts that were driving me crazy. In the cubicle next to me was a slender woman in her 50s, her 30-something daughter, and an 8 or 9-year-old granddaughter. They were cheerfully trying on two cartfuls of spring outfits and Easter dresses, raving how cute each other looked. I wanted to kill them. I choked on my own self-critiques as one item after another landed in the reject pile. I wished I had someone with me to bring more clothes so I didn't have to keep getting dressed again--I was sweaty and my hair looked like Einstein's. I hoped while I was fuming in the dressing room, maybe someone had restocked the floor with some things I'd actually want to be seen wearing in public! No such luck.
Well, I came home with 3 tops that I can try on again here and comment on to my heart's content. I hope I don't scare the cats. I do know I've lost any interest in whale watching at Sea World.