I Cut Myself Shaving

One of the universe's great mysteries is why men lose their hair in middle age, only to have it reappear on women's faces. Where is the logic in that? Since I was already at Walmart today, I decided to investigate some of the products in the hair removal section. I wasn't interested in a bikini wax or leg hair remedies; no, I wanted to see whatever would prevent me from turning into Santa Claus.
As soon as I started my research, a sales associate materialized and started beeping her price changer gun at the shelf I was perusing. I loitered, waiting for her to leave, and she bellowed, "Can I help you?" I whispered no and rushed off to look at electric toothbrushes. After killing a few minutes, I peeked around the endcap and saw that she'd left. I again began scanning all the options: All-over Body Wax Hair Removal Kit; Nair Face and Upper Lip Kit; No-Heat Gel Hair Removal for Face and Body; Creme Hair Bleach. Wow, lots of choices! I figured wax should be a last-resort option; after watching Steve Carell endure a chest wax in "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," I knew it would involve certain pain. I don't need to bleach my facial hair--it's already blond and catches the sunlight in full splendor, thank you. The no-heat gel remover included a "post-treatment skin relief lotion for pain and itching." Yikes! Just then two guys appeared and were looking at shaving stuff directly above the women's products. Who designed the layout of this stupid aisle, anyway? I nonchalantly checked out razors until they left. I decided that the face and upper lip kit was the best deal--since they apparently don't make do-it-yourself electrolysis products. I didn't buy it though; that would be as humiliating as a purchase of Preparation H or a stool softener!!
What would you ladies think if this invitation turned up in your mailbox?
"You are invited to a BIG N' FUN party! (Ban It, Girls: No Fuzz Under Nose)
Try hair removal products in the privacy and comfort of my home among friends for moral support and assistance. Wine and desserts will be served!"
We get asked to candle parties, cooking parties, lingerie parties...how about an item we really have a need for?! I might even try the lip waxing if I had a friend there to rip off the strip for me as I sucked wine through a straw. I could see it catching on and becoming a hot new trend. "Hey, did you get invited to Rhonda's hair removal party? All the cool people are going to be there!"
Maybe women aren't ready to admit yet that their facial hair is increasing. But as more female Baby Boomers start looking like Juan Valdez, my idea may have increased appeal. Just remember, you heard it here first.

P.S. Why do people ride in cars with the tops down and the windows up??