A Thrill--and a Laugh--A Minute

Last night Fred and Katie took a ride to Family Video on the Harley to pick up a movie for her last night here. They came back with "Transporter 3" starring Jason Statham--an actor that the girls and I have dubbed "Dad's Boyfriend" because Fred always wants to see his movies. Statham is the buff, nearly bald British martial arts expert who has played Frank Martin in the three "Transporter" films, Chev Chelios in the "Crank" movies, and starred in "The Bank Job" and "Death Race" among others. He's kind of like Chuck Norris, but better looking.
I actually kind of like the guy, but the film we saw last night was the most far-fetched yet. Frank always takes on 5-12 bad guys at a time, and his flips and kicks are so fast and high that it seems he must be suspended from wires. He pulls off his shirt and jacket to entangle his opponents, tying them in knots. He must have been a Boy Scout or a sailor at some point.
The dialogue had Katie and I laughing so hard that Fred was glaring at us. A car smashed through the wall of Frank's house, obliterating the couch where he'd been sitting only seconds before. He calls an ambulance, and in the understatement of the year growls, "There's been an accident." He tells a burly German mechanic, "Otto, you know I love your schnitzel."
His big problem in the movie is that he must stay within 75 feet of the car he's driving or he'll be blown up by the bomb attached to his wrist. When someone steals the car, he chases it on foot for a couple miles, then grabs a kid's bike and does some fancy jumps over assorted obstacles. He flips around on an iron bar like Paul Hamm and crashes through the driver's window of the car, landing behind the steering wheel and going on his way as if there had been no interruption. Driving a chase scene at 200 mph, he tips the car sideways and drives on two wheels through the narrow space between two semis to elude his pursuers. COME ON!! (Katie and I were giggling as Fred watched intently at the edge of his seat.) Frank drives through a bridge railing to avoid being shot, needing to stay underwater for several minutes. Like a contemporary MacGyver, he sucks air out of the tires for oxygen and fills large duffelbags with air to float the car back to the surface. Uh-huh.
The obligatory chick in the story is a redheaded Ukrainian who wasn't wearing underwear and whined like a 2-year-old through much of the film. "I want to feel sex one more time before I die," she blubbers to Frank. She holds the car keys hostage to make him perform a striptease, which Katie and I ranked as the high point of the movie.
Of course, Frank never fails to deliver, and this time was no exception. After having his car hauled out of the lake, he launches it from another bridge onto the top of a moving train--twice. He blows up the villain, saves the girl, and falls in love. Who would have expected any less?!
I told Fred it was the worst Jason Statham movie I've seen, but he liked it. I'd say he has no taste--but then he did pick a boyfriend who looks awesome with his shirt off!!