More Better Than Worse

Having been married for almost 25 years, Fred and I have of course had our ups and downs. Most married couples go through the periods of blissful beginnings, the excitement and exhaustion of having kids, the daily routine of work and family--often passing like ships in the night. Sometimes appreciating each other; sometimes taking the other for granted, like a piece of furniture you've had since the wedding.

I've rediscovered over the past week some of the reasons that I married Fred all those years ago. He was at the cabin on vacation for the week, so not having him here to share things with--except through a spotty cell phone connection--made me miss his mere presence. My friend Mary was in Wisconsin last week to say goodbye to friends and family before her move to China. The farewell picnic, scheduled for the 4th, was conflicting with the family reunion we'd planned with Fred's side at our cabin. I didn't know how I could do both at opposite corners of the state, but he told me not to worry about food or other details. He would take care of it all so that I could spend time with Mary. It worked out that I was able to meet her in Madison mid-week and avoid the conflict, but just knowing I had his support took some weight off my shoulders.

He also told me that before Mary found out about the China move, the two of them had been cooking up a 50th birthday surprise for me, probably another trip to Knoxville so that she and I could celebrate our September milestones together. It's just one of many times in 25 years that he's planned something special for me.

He extends the same helpfulness and generosity to our friends. Whether it be neighbors at the cabin, work colleagues, or people we've known for decades, he's always the first one there to lend a hand.

Seeing him at his family reunion Saturday increased my appreciation for who he is on several levels. He was great with the kids who were there, giving long rides on our Mule (family-sized 4-wheel vehicle), letting each of them take a turn at driving it. He played a nearly endless game of "War" with a 7-year-old, and quietly tolerated some family dynamics going on that had me ready to blow up. (He must learn that patience and diplomacy from working with school boards and administrators!)

Sitting around the campfire with Erica and Craig that night, I appreciated him for being the girls' dad and his role in who they've turned out to be. Having any of them visit at the cabin is his dream come true.

Things aren't always wine and roses--some days I rapidly get demoted from being the apple of his eye to the pain in his ass. But today I want him to know how glad I am to be married to him. I encourage each of you to take a purposeful look at your significant other and let him or her know what they mean to you, too.

Love you, Dear!!



P.S. I lost 2 lbs. in the past week in spite of being at 3 holiday cookouts in a row!