Motherhood by Marriage

Having been a step-mother for almost 25 years, I hope I don't yet merit a "wicked" in front of the word. It is a position that nothing can really prepare you for, and sometimes the best way to get better at it is by screwing up. Looking back over those years with Katrina, Cameo, and Heidi, I wish I had been smarter, more empathetic, more secure in myself--along with many other "mores." My idealistic picture that we would be the Von Trapps--minus the singing--wasn't exactly the way things always went.
Establishing a specific role in the girls' lives was difficult--not their mother, but more than a big sister or friend. Resentment and anger were felt on both sides, with Fred caught in the middle, drowning in estrogen. Living at a distance wasn't easy, but proximity had its issues, too. We all had to relearn the family dynamics after being apart for weeks or months. I cringe when I recall some incidents, knowing now how differently I'd have handled them at 40 than I did in my 20s.
In spite of our "growing pains", there were also good times--memories that I hope they haven't forgotten. Fred took all 5 of us, plus the cooler and tent, through the rapids of the Pike River in the canoe, and we didn't tip over! We spent time in the summer at his dad's, the girls playing with Brutus, the St. Bernard, and splashing around in the swimming hole. Trina became known as "Go-Bang, Go-Boom" for repeatedly tumbling down Grandpa Andrist's narrow staircase. During an Easter vacation, Cameo and Heidi accidentally started a Westboro field on fire while launching a rocket with a neighbor boy. I can still see the looks on their faces when they got home! We had family picnics and time at the cabin, holiday get-togethers and birthday celebrations. They were a big help when Erica and Katie were little, and the girls idolized their older sisters. I know that my experiences with them made me a better mother, having learned some things about the tween and teen years before Erica and Katie reached those stages.
Time heals many things, and I hope most of my mistakes have been forgiven. The girls have become wives and mothers themselves, having given us 11 beautiful grandkids. Fred and I only wish we all lived closer to each other and could get together more often.
I'm proud to be their step-mom, and lucky to be their friend.