Canine Angst

I have been sick all week with a lousy cold. My days have consisted of sleeping, drinking oj, tapping out my blog, and sleeping some more. The laundry is a mountain and the house is cluttered; I haven't cooked a meal since Sunday and the Easter decorations are still up. I can live with all of those things--what bothers me most is not being able to walk the dogs. It took all I had just to haul myself out to the kennel each day to feed them--no way could I have handled being dragged through the woods on their energetic romps. But knowing that in my head didn't make my heart feel any better when I looked into their questioning and hopeful blue eyes through my bleary ones. "Why isn't she walking us in all this new, wonderful snow?" "The sun is shining and it's warmer--are we going??!" Without being told, they sit and raise a paw to be shaken, saying "See? I'm being good! Can we walk?"
Fred thinks I empathize with them too much. I project my human emotions onto them and forget they are "just dogs." I give these furry Huskies warm blankets for the winter months so they won't be cold. (They urinate on each other's, then chew them up) I put them in the shed during storms becuse Bum is afraid of thunder and lightning. I feel bad that after years of living in separate kennels, the boys and Kaya don't recognize they are mother and sons. Maybe I do treat them more like kids than dogs, but it's because they look to me for everything: food, shelter, exercise, companionship, love. It hurts to let them down, even if the guilt is self-imposed.
Wednesday night, lying around in my congested misery, I watched the movie Eight Below for about the tenth time. Based on a true story, it's about a dogsled team of eight Huskies who are left on their own in Antarctica for 6 months due to uncontrollable circumstances. Every time I see it, I just want to go out and hug our dogs. Instead, I vowed that barring pneumonia, I would walk them yesterday. I woke up feeling the best I had all week, and we walked in the afternoon sunshine. I know I'm forgiven for the 6-day lay-off--they each gave me a kiss afterwards. I hope they don't catch my cold.
"God, give me the strength to be the person my dogs think I am."