If My Life Were a Musical

The other night Fred and I watched a little bit of "Oklahoma". As always when I watch a musical, I thought about how funny it would be if people in real life periodically dropped what they're doing, launched into a big production number with singing and dancing, then resumed their previous activity as if nothing weird had just happened.
Fred occasionally dances me around singing a nonsense song about what we're going to do today, but if I were making my life into a musical there would have to be some planning to it, a plot, some conflict--and real songs.
I get up in the morning, look into the mirror, and sing, reminiscent of Julie Andrews:
"Cookies and brownies and pies and lasagna; these are the treats that will pack the pounds on ya. Beer battered fish with some hot onion rings--these are a few of my favorite things.
When no clothes fit, when my pants split, when I'm feeling fat...I jump off my butt and get out of my rut--Oh no! I just squaaaaashed a cat!"
After a busy day, Fred comes home from work, gives me a kiss, and asks "How was your day?" I say brightly, "I went shopping!!" He looks at me sternly and begins to sing to the tune of "You're the One That I Want" from Grease: "We've got bills! They're multiplyin' And we're deep in the hole from the stuff that you've been buyin. No more shopping at Kohl's!!
You better shape up! Girl, we need a plan! And I've got to count on you! You better shape up, you've gotta understand! There's no equity in shoes! Or in clothes--and that Kohl's Cash won't buy food!!"
Me: "But I bought it for YOU! Ooo ooo ooo, honey! I bought it for you! ooo ooo oo, honey! I bought it for you! ooo ooo ooo--it's what you need! Oh yes indeed!!"
After he chastises me like that, we spend the evening with me in stony silence and him making overtures to get back on my good side. He finally looks at me, wiggles his eyebrows, and suggests, "Why don't we go to bed early?" I look at HIM, and he starts singing:
"To dream the impossible dream! To ask, and she doesn't say no! To keep her awake past 10:30; to make her wear flannel no more!!! This is my quest! To bring sexy back! No matter how hopelessly it's off the track! To fight for romance--it's not a lost cause. To be willing to march through the hell that we call MENOPAUSE....!!"
Of course, eventually we'd make up, probably after a few more songs. I realize the next morning that we could use some time away together, so I sing to "If I Only Had a Brain" from The Wizard of Oz: "I could use a short vacation--a few days' liberation from cleaning, chores, and dogs. (piccolo interlude) Grab the helmets, coats, and saddlebags; let's leave behind the daily drag and take off on the HOG!!"
We'd ride off into the sunset, problems solved, happy once again, with music reaching a crescendo behind us. THE END.