How to be Happy with the Same Person for Eternity

Since Erica got engaged to Craig in January, I've only given serious thought to the wedding a couple times. The first was upon realizing that I'd have to shop for a MOB (mother-of-the-bride) dress. The second was when I received the e-mail from her about wedding costs, a subject line that read "Hope you're sitting down." With both her and my nephew Ryan getting married within the next 15 months, I thought I could provide some valuable advice about succeeding at a long-term relationship. Fred and I will celebrate our 25th in October, and while I'm by no means an expert, I have learned some things about what makes a marriage happy or unhappy.

1. Have fun together. This sounds like an automatic thing, but there will be times when you have to schedule it.
2. Be honest with each other. Not when the question is "Does this make my butt look big?" but for all the important stuff.
3. Communicate. Don't keep things inside to fester. I learned early in our marriage that the silent treatment is a stupid strategy.
4. Really listen to each other, without a remote or book in hand,
5. Remember birthdays and anniversaries. A gift isn't mandatory, but remembering is.
5a. Corollary: a food processor is not a good first Christmas gift.
6. Support each other's endeavors. That's why I'm living in Rhinelander, and Fred helps me with packages for the troops. Be each other's #1 cheerleader.
7. Call if you're going to be late or your plans change. Don't cause unnecessary worry!
8. You're on your own about sex, unless you talk to me later!
9. Put yourself in your spouse's shoes during an argument. This has made me change my position on things more than once.
10. If you have a bad day, don't take it out on each other.
11. Don't make it your spouse's problem when you can't find your hunting license.
12. True forgiveness means leaving the past in the past.
13. Avoid ruts. They're easy to get stuck in.
14. If you have kids, make joint decisions about them.
14a. Corollary: Don't chew crackers when your wife is in labor.
15. In the heat of anger, don't say anything you can't take back.
16. Develop mutual interests (see Friday's blog).
17. Take showers together once in awhile. It saves water, too.
18. Give compliments. "You look nice today" can lift a mood for hours.
19. Never say the potato salad is dry in front of dinner guests.
19a. Corollary: Call before bringing home last-minute dinner guests.
20. Share the same political views. (oops!)
21. Compromise. "Ok, you can buy a new Harley if I get a wrap-around seat."
22. Touch base throughout the day. Phone, text, e-mail, a note in the lunch bag. No need to be "apart" for 8+ hours.
23. Let him/her win at cards once in awhile.
24. A diamond upgrade never hurts.
25. Say "I love you" every day. Some days you may feel it less than others, but don't miss the opportunity.

I hope you are enjoying this exciting time. You will learn your own marriage lessons as time goes by. And hopefully you won't look back in a few years and say "Mom was full of crap!"