Watching TV with your husband while he flips through the channels is not just annoying--it can give him ideas. First there is a couple, each in his/her own bathtub, gazing into the sunset as the announcer extolls the merits of Cialis. The next channel has Smiling Bob, the Enzyte guy. This "natural male enhancement" product not only makes Bob grin like a maniac, it does the same for his wife and all the neighbor women. Next we see a couple in the kitchen, relieved that his Levitra works for 36 hours because the water faucet exploded just as they were getting frisky. Finally, a group of pathetic middle-aged guys singing "Viva Viagra," guitars strategically placed in their laps.
Why is it that wives weren't consulted before all these products hit the market? When we are going through the unpleasant symptoms of menopause (see blog April 30th) do we really want husbands who are feeling 18 again?? I don't think so! It's clear that men are heading up the research and development departments of the pharmaceutical companies. When there are so many real diseases out there with no cures, why do we have this multitude of choices for "E.D"? They could have at least come up with a corresponding pill for us women. Instead they are creating horny older men who are either going to make retirement hell for their wives, or suddenly think they are Hugh Hefner.
Then there are the side effects. What is a woman to do if her partner suddenly says "I can't see anything! And my ears are ringing!!" Chest pains and heart irregularities are the scariest possibility, but the most embarrassing is the BIG ONE: he 's still "up" for the occasion after 4 hours. The ads recommend that he call his doctor in this situation. I wonder what Doc's advice would be--"visualize Barbara Bush naked"??!
Maybe women should form a lobbying group, LIMP (Leave It Mushy, Please) We would demand a ban on performance enhancing drugs, just like in baseball and other sports. Or, at least get a law that men can only use these drugs with their wives' consent, between hot flashes and night sweats.
In the meantime, we will just have to keep a stiff upper lip--haha! But if I ever hear Fred humming "Viva Viagra," I know I'll get an immediate headache.
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4 comments:
Oh, Lord, girl this is a keeper piece. It's especially funny since last night I was with a group of women and the "four hour" thing came up. (no pun intended) It was a scream! Four hours? And I love the blindness thing...although at my age having a blind husband might not be such a bad thing:) Great piece...
You're right, blindness could go either way! :) Glad you liked it and it was timely! I wonder how often the four hour problem actually occurs...?!
This "Daily Mom" piece is inappropriate for your children.
I thought it was hilarious myself!!! I'm wondering who this Dr. is? Couldn't understand all of the medical words. ha!
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