Motherhood

Mother's Day brings about many feelings and memories, both of having a mother and being one. Maybe the fact that I have a wonderful mother made it important to me to be the best myself. As soon as those babies were put in my arms, I knew that I would do whatever was required to keep them safe and raise them right. It didn't matter to what lengths I'd have to go--whether it be a swat on the butt or a kidney transplant, I would give it to them if that's what they needed.
But being a mother is hard. There are times when you hate yourself for not having the patience, humor, and understanding to get you through sleepless nights and days of tantrums. I don't remember the circumstances, but one time when the girls pushed me past my limits, I lost it and called them "little shits." This certainly had an effect on them, because from time to time they've said to me over the years, "Mom, remember the time you called us...?" No, I don't remember. It shames me to think I would say that, no matter what they were doing. That's another thing moms do well: guilt. I do remember standing in their bedroom doorways, watching them sleep like angels, as tears poured down my face for not being a good mom. My mother has told me she used to do the same thing when my sisters, brother, and I were little. I know if I took a poll here, we'd have plenty of company.
The rewards and good times, if we're lucky, far outnumber the doubt and regret. I think I've been extraordinarily lucky, in spite of my stumbles. We have succeeded when our kids grow up to be decent, productive, happy people who think we've been a good parent more often than not.
I have a box full of notes and cards that the girls gave me when they were growing up...essays by each about why lying is bad, misspelled apologies for something they did, Erica's treatise on why she should be allowed to get a snake. Most of the cards are home-made and express sentiments as only a kid can.
"Happy Mother's Day, Mom! I love you, even if you are mean sometimes. Love and kisses, Erica."
"To my dream mom: You are the best mom I ever had. Happy Mother's Day. I have a suprise for you. Roses are red, violets are blue, I hope you like the letter I wrote for you. Love, Katie Nicole Andrist, your dream daughter"

Happy Mother's Day to all you mean dream moms out there!!