When You Care Enough to Write Your Own

I mentioned before that I sold some greeting card ideas in the '90s--one of which is pictured at right. I wrote the sentiment, and an artist did the drawing and got the credit on the back of the card. I sold 3 ideas, and for every one I sold, I'd say I had 25 or more rejected. You'd think it would be easy to write them--they're short! It's not like thinking up a book or a screenplay. But it's actually the brevity of the idea you're trying to convey that creates the challenge: you need to get your message across in just a few words, for a specific occasion, in a way that will appeal to as many buyers as possible. Women between the ages of 18 and 50 are the prime senders of greeting cards, and most of my ideas were aimed at them.

O: You know you're getting old when your husband suggests getting some action in the sheets...
I: ...and you go do the laundry. Happy Birthday!!

I thought that one was amusing and could definitely relate to it, but it was a reject. I also liked this one:
O: I figured out why I can't lose weight.
I. Lettuce doesn't come in 33 flavors.
The editor was probably skinny and didn't get the humor--and truth--in that statement.

O: Happy birthday to a woman who's a gale force at work and a whirlwind at home.
I: No wonder your house looks like a cyclone hit it. (Maybe the Good Witch of the North will stop by and vacuum!)
I'd guess this might have been too long--or insulting? Unfortunately, when they return your rejected ideas, they don't tell you what they didn't like about them.
Another guideline usually suggested is not to write rhyming verses. I followed that rule, but I think it's the companies' loss that they didn't give my iambic verse a try.

"You're not the one I'm looking for; I've changed the locks on all the doors.
Your stuff is piled in the yard, but I will keep your credit card."
Wouldn't that have mass appeal?! Or, "Sorry your marriage went down the tubes; but now you can afford new boobs."
Another criteria is that the occasion the card is recognizing must be a common one; if it's too limited, there's no commercial value in buying the idea. There's likely not much demand for this sentiment:
O: You have given "the change" a whole new meaning!
I: Congratulations on your sex reassignment surgery!

So, I guess I will invest in a new Writers Market, see how the guidelines have changed in the past 15 years, and try my hand at this again. I may just decide to freelance on my own, too, since silliness is constantly running through my head--especially when I'm walking. Here's my ad:
"If you need a card for a special occasion--birthday, retirement, tubal ligation--
Send me an e-mail with all of the facts, the inside jokes, the smart-aleck cracks;
To roast, to toast, be nice or rotten; I'll write you a card that won't be forgotten!
So get me your order for Jane, Sue or Tom. Write cherbearem@yahoo.com!"